My clients inspire me. They also laugh at me because I get excited when I come up with something that will not only help them but is a great model to share.
That is exactly what happened recently. In the middle of coaching a client through a challenging coworker conflict I blurted, “This is a good one… I need to share this.” She laughed, agreed, and that is the inspiration for this post!
In the moment, I developed a simple—but powerful—way to move a disagreement forward instead of just managing around it.
Because let’s be honest…
Most of us have learned how to disagree diplomatically. But that doesn’t always mean we actually resolve anything.
When “Agree to Disagree” Isn’t Enough
You may already be familiar with my Acknowledge and Add model:
Acknowledge the other person’s perspective
Add your own thoughts
It’s a great foundation. It keeps conversations respectful and doesn’t make the other person feel dismissed.
But here’s the challenge…
Sometimes you do that—and you’re still stuck.
You’ve both been heard…
And nothing actually changes.
So, what do you do next? I added two more steps to the model and explain in this video:
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A Simple Shift: Move from Conversation to Commitment
Connection isn’t just about being heard—it’s about moving forward together. The new model is Acknowledge, Add, Commit, and Invite.
1. Acknowledge: Start by recognizing the other person’s perspective.
Not to agree—but to show you listened, heard them, and understand.
2. Add: Share your point of view.
Not as a rebuttal—but as a contribution that presents additional information.
3. Commit: State what you are willing to commit to doing to improve the situation.
This is where things start to shift.
Instead of waiting for alignment, ask yourself: What am I willing to do to improve this situation? Then share that commitment. You might say:
“Here’s what I’m willing to try…”
“Here’s where I can be more flexible…”
When you take ownership, you change the tone of the conversation.
4. Invite: If the other person doesn’t naturally reciprocate—invite them in.
Ask the other person to share what they are willing to commit to. Not as a demand. Not as pressure. But rather, as an open door. Try:
“What are you willing to do to improve how we work together?”
That question shifts the dynamic from opposition to collaboration.
Why This Works
Most disagreements stall because both people are focused on being right. Progress happens when at least one person focuses on being constructive.
This model creates:
- Shared ownership
- Forward movement
- Stronger relationships (not just resolved issues)
Because the goal isn’t to win the disagreement. It’s to strengthen how you work together because of it.
A Question to Consider
The next time you find yourself in a disagreement, pause and ask:
Am I trying to prove a point—or move us forward?
Then take one small step:
- Acknowledge
- Add
- Commit
- Invite
You don’t need full agreement to make progress. You just need a willingness—from someone—to start.
If you have a “sticky” situation you’re navigating, send it my way. You might just inspire the next model.