Have you ever noticed that the words “silent” and “listen” are made up of the exact same letters?
I stumbled across this little linguistic coincidence recently, and it stopped me in my tracks. It made me wonder: how often do we forget that true listening requires us to be silent—not just on the outside, but on the inside too?
I’ll admit, I’m not always the best at staying silent. My mind races ahead, eager to offer advice or jump in with a solution. But some of my most meaningful moments as a coach, leader, mom, wife, and friend have come when I resisted the urge to fill the silence. Instead, I simply listened—fully, without planning my next response.
It’s harder than it sounds! But in those moments, I’ve seen people open up, solve their own challenges, and feel genuinely heard. That’s the magic of real listening. It’s not about waiting for your turn to talk; it’s about creating space for others to share what’s truly on their minds.
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I’m reminded of the saying: “Don’t speak unless what you have to say is more powerful than silence.” Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can offer is just that—silence.
What Gets in the Way of Effective Listening?
Even with the best intentions, there are plenty of obstacles that can get between us and true listening. Here are a few of the most common:
- Internal distractions: Our minds wander, replaying past conversations, or racing ahead to our to-do lists. It’s hard to not notice the squirrel 😊.
- Assumptions: We think we already know what the other person is going to say, so we tune out. Worse yet, we cut them off and finish what we think is their thought.
- Emotional reactions: Sometimes, a word or tone triggers us, and we stop listening in order to prepare our defense or response.
- Multitasking: Trying to listen while checking emails or scrolling on your phone splits your attention and diminishes connection. Multitasking just means you are giving less of yourself to each task.
Recognizing these barriers is the first step. The next is intentionally setting them aside so we can give our full attention to the person in front of us.
Advanced Tips for Becoming a Better Listener
Ready to level up your listening skills? Here are some advanced strategies I’ve seen make a real difference:
- Reflect and clarify: Paraphrase what you’ve heard and ask if you’ve got it right. This not only shows you’re paying attention, but also helps prevent misunderstandings. Giving yourself a job during the conversation also keeps you from allowing your mind to wander.
- Notice what’s not being said: Pay attention to body language, tone, and pauses. Sometimes the real message is in what isn’t spoken. You may say, “I am sensing… am I reading that right?”
- Practice mindful listening: Before a conversation, take a deep breath and make a commitment to be fully present. If your mind wanders, gently bring it back. If you missed something you may say, “I want to make sure I didn’t miss what you said… could you repeat that?”
- Ask open-ended questions: Encourage deeper sharing by asking questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. I like starting with “What..” or “How did…” or even. “Can you tell me more about that?”
- Embrace the pause: Don’t rush to fill silence. Moments of quiet often invite more thoughtful responses. Sometimes just nod and give eye contact. Or pose a curious look and see what else they say.
It’s amazing what people will share when they feel truly listened to. And as leaders, teammates, family, or friends, it’s one of the greatest gifts we can give.
Why Listening Matters for Connected Leadership
My core mission is to help people communicate to connect—because connection is the foundation of trust, influence, and effective leadership. But connection doesn’t start with talking. It starts with listening. When we’re silent and attentive, we invite others to share authentically. That’s when trust is built and real collaboration happens.
If you’re looking for more actionable insights on building trust and fostering meaningful relationships at work, I dive deep into these topics in The Connector’s Advantage. You’ll find practical tips for becoming a better listener—and a more connected leader. Check out the book specials to give the gift of connection to someone else.
Take Action: Your Listening Challenge
This week, I challenge you to pick one conversation—at work or at home—and practice being truly silent while you listen. Notice what comes up for you. Did you learn something new? Did the other person open up more? I’d love to hear about your experience—just reply and let me know what you discovered.
More with Michelle
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I’m excited to share that I’m being featured by The Institute of Leadership in a special Meet the Author conversation focused on one of my favorite topics: the power of connection in leadership. In this interview, I sit down with Belinda O’Neill from The Institute of Leadership to discuss why connection isn’t a “nice-to-have” skill, but a critical leadership advantage — especially in today’s relationship-driven world.
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As the author of The Connector’s Advantage, I’ve seen firsthand how intentional relationships can expand influence, build trust, and create meaningful impact. In this feature, I share insights on how leaders can strengthen their connections to elevate their teams, their organizations, and themselves. I hope you’ll join the conversation and explore how becoming a stronger connector can change the way you lead.