Do you communicate to connect?

I struggle when asked the awful question, “So, what do you do?” I usually respond with something like, “For work or for fun?” — or, if I’m feeling especially cheeky, “Depends on the day of the week.” I answer that way because I’ve never quite figured out what to say. I know, ironic. So much for being one of the top 30 communications professionals in the world! Ha!

The common advice is to have that go to elevator pitch or benefit statement, but that feels so forced to me. For years, my go-to answer was the one I gave my then 8-year-old (now 18)… “I help people work better together.” That’s still true. But the longer I do this work, the more I realize what sits at the very foundation of it all — communication and connection.

Communication Is the Foundation

I started doing this work as a communications professor at NYU Stern, where I quickly realized that communication isn’t just about polished speaking or perfectly written emails. It’s about creating understanding. Communication is the thread that runs through everything we do — every relationship, every hire, every sale, every “yes,” and every “no.”

But over time, I’ve come to see that communication alone doesn’t guarantee connection. You can be articulated and still misunderstood You can deliver information clearly and still leave people unmoved. That’s because communication is only half the equation. The other half — the part that makes everything come alive — is connection.

I have come to realize my long-time tagline, “Communicate to Connect,” is the essence of my work and at the heart of what I do. Because when communication meets connection, we move beyond exchanging information — we create impact.

Why Connection Matters

When we communicate only to deliver information, we transact. When we communicate to connect, we transform. Connection requires more than clarity; it requires curiosity and empathy. It’s about stepping into the other person’s perspective — understanding what they care about, how they feel, and what matters most to them — and shaping our message in that space.

When we do this, communication becomes more relational than functional. We build trust instead of tension. We inspire collaboration instead of compliance. We move from talking at people to engaging with them. In the end, connection is what turns conversations into relationships, and relationships into results (another one of my tag lines: Real Relationships – Real Results!). Whether you’re leading a team, pitching an idea, or simply showing up for a friend, connection is the currency that makes it all work. 

How to Communicate to Connect

Here are a few ways to strengthen both your communication and your connections:

1. Listen Actively: Listening isn’t just waiting for your turn to talk; it’s a signal of respect. Be curious. Pay attention not just to the words, but to the tone, energy, and emotion behind them. When people feel truly heard, they feel valued — and that’s where connection begins.
2. Be Curious: Connection grows through curiosity. Ask open-ended questions that invite stories, not just answers. “How did you get into that?” or “What’s been most rewarding about it?” Questions like these deepen understanding and show genuine interest turning small talk into real conversation.
3. Be Present: Presence is one of the rarest gifts we can give. Put down the phone, close the laptop, put away distractions, make eye contact, and engage fully. Give the gift of your full attention. When we’re fully present, we communicate that the other person matters.
4. Be Genuine: Authenticity connects. Genuine communication creates safety and invites others to do the same. Share honestly, listen openly, and don’t try to be perfect — just be real. People can sense sincerity — and they’re drawn to it.
5. Express Gratitude: A simple “thank you” carries more weight than we often realize. Whether you’re acknowledging someone’s effort, time, or kindness, expressing appreciation strengthens the bond and reinforces connection.
6. Follow Up: Connection doesn’t end when the conversation does. Don’t let good conversations fade into the background. A short message, a check-in, or sharing something that reminded you of them shows you care. The follow-up is how to keep the relationship alive and growing.

Be a Connected Leader

Leadership, at its core, isn’t about managing tasks — it’s about nurturing relationships. When we communicate with the intention to connect, we create workplaces (and communities) where people feel seen, supported, and motivated to contribute their best. How we communicate, and how we connect our message to our conversation partners’ interests, will determine how well we can influence, engage, motivate, inspire or simply connect with another person.

So, I’ll leave you with this question: 👉 What’s one relationship you can nurture this week?
Send that message. Schedule that coffee. Express that gratitude. Because when we communicate to connect, we don’t just get results — we create relationships that last. 🌟

More with Michelle