“I would rather be respected than liked.”
Ugh, I can’t count how many times people, and surprisingly more women than men, have said this to me. It’s drives me nuts!
Why are people under the false belief that these two things are mutually exclusive?
There’s a myth that earning respect means drawing hard lines, while building relationships means softening your stance or giving in.
But here’s what I know: you don’t have to choose between being respected and being liked. In fact, the most impactful leaders are those who know how to do both—and do them well.
Too often, we’re told that showing warmth or caring about connection will undermine our authority. The reality? When you lead with authenticity, clarity, and genuine care, you build trust. And trust is the foundation for both respect and strong relationships. People follow leaders they trust—and trust is built when you’re both principled and personable.
When I was asked by Ben Fox of Shepherd to curate a list of books on a topic that was important to me, it was a no brainer. My list is…
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To build this list, I reflected on what it truly means to lead with impact. How do we earn respect while also creating the kind of relationships that elevate not just ourselves, but our entire teams?
This isn’t just your typical list of business gurus. Each selection dives deep into leadership styles that prioritize authenticity, empathy, and connection—moving beyond old command-and-control models to foster trust and collaboration. These stories are packed with practical wisdom on navigating power dynamics, championing inclusivity, and building teams where everyone feels valued and heard.
This collection thoughtfully dives deep into the leadership styles of women who lead with authenticity, empathy, and have a real knack for connecting with people. It’s about moving beyond the old command-and-control model and embracing a leadership that fosters trust and genuine collaboration. These titles spotlight women who understand how to make a real difference—by being both respected and relatable.
A couple titles that really resonated with me from the list:
- How Women Rise: Break the 12 Habits Holding You Back from Your Next Raise, Promotion, or Job: I went into reading this book thinking, “not me!” Ha! This book opened my eyes to ingrained behaviors that, at some point in my life, worked to my advantage. While there were definitely habits that I haven’t fallen prey to, a few hit very close to home.
- In Her Own Voice: I love this book because it is real, it is now, and it is so relatable. It made me flash back to my days in finance in the early 90s, dealing with the same issues. I really appreciate that Jennifer presents tactical strategies to overcome old school hurdles, not by attempting to “fit in” but rather by us women embracing the natural skills and preferences of how we think and interact.
If you’re on your own leadership journey, feeling stuck, or just want to deepen your understanding of what it means to lead with impact, I encourage you to explore the full list here.
Each one offers actionable insight and inspiration for building trust, fostering connection, and driving results—without sacrificing who you are.
How to Get Both Respect and Likability
- Lead with your values: When you’re clear about what matters most—and communicate it with conviction—people respect your consistency.
- Show genuine interest: Take the time to understand your team, colleagues, and clients. Ask questions and really listen to their answers.
- Be transparent: Share your reasoning and decision criteria. People are more likely to respect your choices—even tough ones—when they understand your process.
- Hold boundaries with kindness: You can say no without being harsh. A thoughtful “no” can build respect and preserve relationships.
Want to dig deeper into building authentic relationships at work? The 11 Laws of Likability is all about practical ways to connect with others while staying true to yourself.
So, the next time you catch yourself thinking you have to choose between being respected and being liked, remember: it’s not an either/or. The real power lies in learning how to do both—and that’s when you truly lead with impact.
What’s one way you’ve balanced respect and likability in your own career? I’d love to hear your story—just hit reply and share your experience.