One of the coolest things about being listed in Forbes as a top networking expert is that people ask my opinion on all things networking. But every once in a while, I don’t have an immediate answer to their inquiry. That’s what happened when Newsweek asked me to comment in their article, 15 Strategies to Make Networking Feel More Natural.
On this one, I had to think. Because the truth is, the answer is not a one size fits all.
Feeling natural networking depends on who you are and your particular preferences around networking. There is a common stereotypical image of networking. It’s usually that extroverted image of somebody who is holding and captivating everyone’s attention, working the crowd, putting everybody at ease, and going up to strangers.
That image may be called socializing, but it is not necessarily networking, and it’s certainly not connecting. This preconceived image is also one that doesn’t work for everyone and certainly doesn’t feel natural for many out there.
Networking vs. Connecting
If we want to make networking feel more natural, we need to start by reframing from what it actually is. Networking often feels transactional, focused on outcomes, opportunities, or what you can get. Connecting, on the other hand, is relational. It’s rooted in curiosity, shared experiences, and genuine interest.
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Networking is about outcomes. Connecting is about people. And when you focus on people, the outcomes tend to follow.
Start with Your Preferences
If we want to think about how to make networking, (or as I prefer to call it, connecting), feel more natural, we need to start from how you like to connect with others.
Ask yourself:
- What environments do you like to connect to, large or small groups, social, academic, or professional?
- What topics do you enjoy, interests, hobbies, or experiences you’re willing to talk about?
- Do you prefer asking questions and listening, or telling stories and sharing?
- Do you like connecting in person or online?
When you understand your strengths and preferences, you can create an environment where connecting feels natural instead of forced.
Why Getting Down to Business Backfires
There are a lot of ideas, whatever environment you’re in, to navigate networking more easily. The one I shared is, of course, one of the mindsets of a connector.
Don’t get right down to business.
When we lead with what we do or what we want, people often feel like they’re being worked rather than engaged. It creates pressure, short-circuits trust, and limits the depth of the interaction.
Connection builds trust. And trust is what ultimately drives opportunity—not the other way around.
What to Do Instead
Instead, simply be curious while being social. Focus on learning about the other person.
Try:
- • Asking about experiences instead of titles (“What brought you here?”)
- Commenting on shared context (“How do you know the host?”)
- Following what interests you in the conversation instead of steering it
- Listening for values, not just facts
When we connect, it’s not about what we do, but what we like to do—our common experiences, people, places, causes, values, and dreams.
The Natural Test
You’ll know it feels natural when you stop thinking about what you should say next and start being present in the conversation.
You’re likely on the right track if:
- You’re more focused on them than on yourself
- You’re not rehearsing your next line
- Time passes quickly
- You leave remembering the person—not just what they do
Play the Long Game
The best connections don’t always lead to immediate results—and that’s the point. Real relationships take time. They build, layer by layer, through shared moments and mutual understanding.
When you shift from performing to connecting, networking stops feeling like work and starts feeling like something you actually want to do.