I was at a conference once and noticed a man whose name tag identified him as being with a company that sounded very familiar to me. I went up to the man to introduce myself, mentioning the name of the partner I knew at his firm (the Law of Association on my side). He seemed only lukewarm to my efforts, so after a brief conversation, I didn’t push it further.
About six weeks later, we ended up at another conference together, and this time we were introduced by a mutual friend. He was a bit friendlier than he’d been when we first met, and he remembered our earlier encounter, but he still maintained his distance and didn’t reciprocate my effort to deepen the connection. Over the next few months, our paths continued to cross, and each time we ran into one another, he’d be a bit warmer. By the time we ended up speaking on the same panel a year later, he was all smiles. It was the Law of Familiarity in action:
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Law # 9: The Law of Familiarity. Why Familiarity Matters More Than We Realize
Sometimes we interpret a reserved response as rejection, when in reality, it’s simply unfamiliarity. Trust and comfort are often built gradually, not instantly.
In professional relationships especially, people are constantly assessing:
– Is this person trustworthy?
– Do I feel comfortable around them?
– Do our interactions feel genuine?
The more consistently and positively someone experiences you, the more natural the connection tends to become.
The man took a long time to let his relaxed, warm side come through. At first, I was an unknown entity. And even though we had a common friend, he needed more of a connection for there to be trust and comfort between us. People tend to be most comfortable with the people and things they are familiar with.
Think about Super Bowl commercials: Why are advertisers willing to pay a million dollars to run a spot during the show? The answer is that so many viewers will be watching the Super Bowl and the commercials generate so much post show buzz that even the names of companies with mediocre commercials will be mentioned again and again, increasing familiarity.
Law # 1: The Law of Authenticity. The Difference Between Visibility and Connection
Familiarity alone is not enough. Someone can recognize your name without feeling connected to you. That’s where authenticity becomes critical.
There’s a difference between:
Being repeatedly visible
and
Being consistently genuine
People may remember someone who constantly promotes themselves, but that doesn’t necessarily create trust or likability. Authenticity is what transforms familiarity into meaningful connection.
There is, of course, a fine line between keeping your name in people’s minds by building positive associations and barraging them to such an extent that they tune you out. The key is to build familiarity in an authentic way. Authenticity, as we’ve seen, applies across the board with likability. Reach out in the spirit of connection, not in a narcissistic attempt at blatant self-promotion.
What Authentic Networking Looks Like
Authentic networking doesn’t usually feel like networking. It feels like:
- Showing genuine curiosity about someone else
- Following up because you value the relationship, not because you need something
- Sharing ideas, encouragement, or support without immediately expecting a return
- Allowing relationships to build naturally over time
This approach may feel slower, but it tends to create stronger and more lasting connections.
A Reminder for Relationship Builders
Not every connection develops immediately. Some relationships take multiple conversations, shared experiences, or moments of consistency before trust begins to form.
That doesn’t mean your effort isn’t working. It may simply mean the relationship is still developing.
In a world that often prioritizes quick wins and immediate results, relationship-building requires patience. Familiarity grows over time. Trust grows through authenticity. And together, they create a foundation for meaningful connection.