I was recently coaching a sharp female executive on her communication and presentation skills preparing for an important board presentation. I suggested she ask people for specific feedback before her presentation, so they knew what to listen for.
On our follow-up call, I asked how the feedback went. Her response?
“Everyone said it was great.”
The lack of specificity in their answer immediately raised two questions for me.
- How the question was asked?
- Was there a reason her team wasn’t offering the kind of insight she was truly seeking?
The Question Every Leader Should Ask
This led me to a crucial question for all of us in leadership:
What are your employees not telling you that would make a real difference — for you, for the team, or for the entire company?
And just as important: why aren’t they telling you?
Why People Stay Silent
In my experience, silence usually isn’t about a lack of ideas. It’s about a lack of safety or belief that speaking up will matter. Some common reasons include:
- No Point / No Influence: They don’t feel truly heard, so they think, “why bother sharing?” They don’t believe your actions will change or that their input will influence your decisions.
- No Psychological safety: They don’t feel psychologically safe to be honest. You may say you want feedback, but if people fear retaliation, judgment, or having their honesty used against them, they’ll stay quiet. They don’t believe you truly want the truth
- Micro-Managing: If you are a manager that tends to over contribute and steer the boat without the crew. The team believes it’s your way or the highway.
The Cost of Not Speaking Up
I recently heard a compelling story about a real estate firm that struggled to sell new buildings. Eventually, it came to light that one person knew the core issue: the orientation of the houses relative to the sun. It was a multi-million-dollar insight — and it could have surfaced much sooner in an environment where people felt safe and encouraged to speak up.
It’s Not Just Asking for Feedback — It’s How
So, with my coaching client, we focused not just on asking for feedback, but on how she asked.
Instead of a general: “Give me feedback,”
She shifted to: “Could you give me one idea at the end of my presentation for how I could take it up a level?”
People are often far more comfortable helping you improve than pointing out perceived flaws.
A Challenge for This Week
This week, I encourage you to reflect on a few important questions:
- What might I be missing because people don’t feel comfortable speaking up?
- What do I need to do differently to make it easier for my team to share honestly?
And perhaps even more personally:
- What are you not telling the people around you that they truly need to know?