I can be annoying.
I am not trying to be, yet my sensitivity to language has been known to hit a nerve at times. Typically with my coaching clients when I highlight something they may not have realized they were conveying.
I’m that person who picks up on the subtle undertones in conversations, the things people might not consciously intend to say or even realize they’re communicating.
I will remind people, “you are not being subtle.” There is no such thing as being subtly passive aggressive. Our body language, word choice, and tone all give us away.
You Think It… You Project It
A lot of time, the words we use reveal what we truly feel about a situation, idea, person, or most often, ourselves.
For instance, I was recently on a call with a client who repeatedly declared himself a “bad” at something. First it was a bad businessperson, then bad at sales, later claiming he was not a good entrepreneur.
It was a constant stream of limiting, conclusion-based language. I asked about the reasoning behind these beliefs, their personal definition of “good,” and so on. He reflected on the questions but what he really needed to understand was how he is influenced by his own language.
We believe the words we say about ourselves. If you have something in your mind, the language you choose reflects it and then projects it.
Shifting Your Internal Dialogue: A Call to Awareness
In this particular instance, the person was open to sharing, and we had a vulnerable and productive conversation.
The crucial takeaway for him, and all of us, is to recognize that if you harbor doubts and uncertainty internally, you will likely project them outward. The result… you inadvertently influence others to draw the same conclusions about you, rather than helping them (and yourself) see your potential differently.
At the same time, if you are having judgmental or negative thoughts about a person, idea, or situation – you are likely communicating those thoughts through your word choice and other nonverbal communication, either intentionally or completely subconsciously.
The very first step in shifting our internal dialogue is cultivating awareness of when these negative self-statements are happening. Acknowledging your feelings going into a conversation to determine if they are productive thoughts or if you need a mental shift.
While I might not always be there to catch the subtle cues in your language, I encourage you, or perhaps an accountability partner, to start actively listening for these moments in yourselves and each other. By bringing awareness to our limiting language, we can begin to shift our own thinking and, in turn, transform the way we speak and project ourselves to the world.