I get requests to be on a podcast, part of a summit, or do a webinar all the time. It is a compliment to be asked and at the same time, can be a challenge figuring out which invitations to accept. At least I finally realized, I can’t do them all!
When I was asked to participate in a panel discussion about giving feedback that actually gets heard. The topic was right in my sweet spot. But before I agreed, I did what I always do: I replied asking for more information—and, out of curiosity, how they found me.
When they told me my friend Sue recommended me, it was an easy YES. That’s the power of connection and a relationship Sue and I have built over the years. Sue knows my approach to feedback: it’s not about confrontation, but about conversation and connection.
When someone you respect puts your name forward, it’s a reminder that relationships are at the core of every opportunity. I think this same concept applies to the topic we discussed during the webinar: From Resistant to Receptive: Transforming Feedback with Relational Curiosity.
Why Relationships Drive Receptiveness
People are open to feedback from people they are connected to, people they respect, admire, and value. Before people ask for feedback, they already have a picture in their mind of how you’ll give it.
Will it feel safe? Supportive? Judgmental? In this conversation, I shared how the perception of the person giving feedback can shape whether it’s received or rejected. Want your feedback to be received, not resisted?
- Help them picture a safe version of you sharing feedback with them.
- Set the stage by ensuring it is the right time and space for the conversation.
- Ask them what would be most helpful for them. When they decide, they invite the information. As a result, they are more prepared and open to what will be shared.
Relationships provide the context and trust that make feedback land as constructive, not critical. Without that foundation, even the best-intended words can miss the mark.
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Why Curiosity Makes Feedback Better
Feedback, at its best, is rooted in curiosity. Curiosity helps us ask—not assume, explain or defend. When we approach feedback with the desire to understand, we open the door to real information that can facilitate growth.
- Curiosity invites dialogue. As the leader, asking questions like “How do you see this situation?” or “What’s working for you?” makes feedback a two-way street. Put yourself in a position to also take information in and not just dole it out.
- Curiosity creates clarity. Whether giving or receiving the feedback, specificity is essential. If you aren’t clear, ask for an example. Curiosity is key to taking in the information, visualizing what was as well as what could be going forward.
Get Better at Giving (and Receiving)—Feedback
If you want to get better at giving feedback, start by getting better at receiving it.
This is a skill that can be learned and refined. Start by asking for feedback yourself. Not only does this model humility, but it also gives you insight into how others experience your communication.
There are 5 steps to receiving, and utilizing, feedback with grace. I break it down in my blog post, The 5 A’s to Accepting Feedback Gracefully:
- Absorb what you are hearing. Take it in and listen without explaining or defending, and watch your body language.
- Ask questions. Probe deeper into what is said; ask for examples so you can truly understand.
- Acknowledge and agree. Summarize what you heard and select something specific to agree with. There is usually something you will agree with.
- Appreciate and invite. Say thank-you—they took a risk to provide you with information. Appreciate their candor and invite them to continue to provide feedback.
- Apply. Put the feedback to use and, if appropriate, let them know how you implemented their feedback. Even small changes show you value the input.
Let’s keep learning together! What are your best tips for giving and receiving feedback?